Julia Samuel, a psychotherapist specialising in grief, is often asked ‘how long will it take to feel better? Grieving takes longer than most of us want or expect. Part of the healing process is about letting go of the expectation of returning to a pre-loss state – and instead learning to accommodate grief into our lives, and allowing it to change us.
In the beginning, grief can feel like it’s all we think – it’s like it takes up our entire being. But over time, we learn to build around the grief to expand and build our lives around it. Healing from grief isn’t about getting over it – it’s about learning to live with it.
This can be a difficult process. There is no set timeline and it can sometimes be non-linear. Even if we’ve done the work of grieving and processed our emotions, we might still have days where we feel incredibly sad.
This is normal, and allowing ourselves to feel those emotions when they come up is important.
What does learning to accomodate grief look like? It means that we can invest in living our lives while allowing ourselves to feel the pain of our loss and maintain a connection with the person who has died.
For example, we might use touchstones to remind us of our lost loved one, such as wearing their favourite scarf or cooking their favourite recipe.
Healing from grief is a journey, and it’s different for everyone. But by learning to accommodate the suffering, we can build a life that honours the memory of our loved ones while still allowing us to move forward.
A Reminder of Our Most Helpful Tips
- Learn to accommodate the grief and integrate it into your life instead of trying to get back to “normal.”
- Be kind to yourself and allow for moments of sadness, even if you’ve processed your emotions. Join communities like the Grief Works’ Facebook Community for a chance to listen and interact with Julia Samuel on the monthly lives.
- Allow yourself to maintain a connection with your loved one who passed away by creating rituals or touchstones that remind you of them.
- Recognise that grief may last much longer than you would expect or like, but you can build your life around it and learn to live with it.
- Focus on living your life, feeling love and joy, and engaging with the world around you.
Find Grief Support with Grief Works by Illume
Getting support when grieving is essential. It can be challenging, but you don’t have to worry!
The Grief Works app helps you overcome grief and connect with a community that cares for you. It also offers live monthly calls and the ability to chat with a therapist when needed.
Moreover, it has a built-in journal book for your daily diary and the Grief Works Curriculum to guide you in this wonderful healing journey.